Well, no editing has been done on any of my works. Anyone surprised?
Hey, look at me! I’m the
over-caffeinated, nicotine poisoned, bi-polar, egomaniac come to save you all from your doomed existence in frivolity and slavery!
On the plus-side, I did get my “laptop” up and running again after I accidentally corrupted its BIOS.
Huh? What’s that Sis? Oh, I didn’t tell them that story yet? Well, I’d better do that now. Sit down, brothers and sisters and friends, and read well. Iiiiiiiits…
Story Time with Pollux!
A few weeks ago, back in late November, I moved out here to Mechanicsburg, PA to live with my “twin flame” and her parents. She has a nice shiny iMac and I’d brought my little Gateway laptop.
So, I was playing around with some security auditing and “hacking” tools just for fun, right? I rooted my Android phone, then Admin-ed my Windows 7 OS and rooted my Ubuntu OS (both on my laptop).
I was doing simple things, you know, SSH-ing the iMac, pinging networks and gaining administrative privilege to them, and decided to backup all my systems. So, I backed up both partitions on the Gateway (that’s Ubuntu and Windows 7, keep up) as well as my JellyBean Android OS. Uh-oh! Big problems.
My “sister’s” expensive five-year-old Apple began acting up. It grey-screened. By then she was almost hysterical and I completely baffled.
“What the FUCK did I do?”
See, other than the rooting and secure-shelling, this is all stuff I’ve done safely and under the supervision of an Information Systems teacher. (I forgot to mention I dropped out of the IS certification/degree program when I left California. So, I usually know what the hell I’m doing with computers and such. I’d never broken any computer on accident before and never FUBAR’d one so thoroughly without being able to fix it almost immediately.) Cansas, my twin, used to repair/refurbish iBooks and other Apple systems, so she is also baffled as well as pissed the fuck off.
We tried turning off the network (I’d setup network boots on all systems, we still don’t quite know exactly how the hell I did all this without so much as touching the iMac) and wiping the Mac’s hard drive to reinstall/upgrade the OS. Even worse.
At this point I’m shitting bricks and my sis is beginning to calm down and say “This isn’t possible. How did you do this to an Apple system without touching it? What the hell did you do!?” My only response was “I am so so so sorry! I don’t know what the fuck I did! I showed you everything I was doing.”
Well, my laptop fails at about the time we realize that the iMac just had a failed hard drive. The thing was scheduled to go out in the near future anyway, so the strain of trying to update to Mavericks and being wiped a couple times caused it to just say “buh-bye.”
I tear my laptop apart (mind you, this was a gift from my parents, so it really sucked) and try to boot from a USB rescue disk. Its still sitting on our counter-top down in our apartment, a bare motherboard and peripheries.
There it is booting. Oh, my creation lives!
Finally, after weeks of stressing the fuck out and screaming at various electronics (as well as a couple of bewildered tech-support agents), I’ve got the laptop working again. Turns out…factory reset usually does the trick. Thank the Gods I had backups of all my files on the external drive.
The iMac is still collecting dust, but we have all the necessary tools and components to fix it. Yea, Cansas procrastinates aaaaaaalllmost as hard as I do. (Sorry, sis, I think I win this booby-prize.)
Moral of this story, kids? Don’t hack an entire sub-domain of Verizon fiber networks and then upload your OS…it WILL corrupt the kernel of any system it touches.
(Still…the heady rush of gaining admin power over any network I touched was freaking awesome. Mwa…ha…ha…ha. Beware the Crazed PenMonkey Rainbow-hat Haccker!)
In any event, I need to get some editing done soon.
Have an unbelievable day you all!
King Pollux ~ Adam Kristofer Walkingstick King
On the NEXT exciting episode of Story Time with Pollux:
Will the two-hundred pound net of writhing stuffed caterpillars and assorted insects fall from the ceiling to crush our intrepid Hero Twins? Tune in again next time!